More on Completer or Compete-or

I have been encouraged to post more about relationship regarding this topic.

I knew a professor who, when asked by a high school student, “How do I know if my girlfriend is “the one?” replied, “She should complement you and compliment you.” Sometimes we may get these words confused, so to clear up our understanding, here is a tip from grammerly.com. “A complement is related to completion, while a compliment relates to flattering words or acts.”

So how does this translate to relationships? Before considering a close relationship, spend some time thinking about the kind of person you would want in a close relationship. What would his/her values, characteristics, and beliefs look like? If you do this first, you will be drawn to people who have what you are looking for.

When you meet someone, aside from any physical attraction, consider whether their strengths and weaknesses are complementary to yours. By this I mean, when you come together, can you each help the other to fulfill your full potentials?

Then you can ask whether he/she compliments you. Does he/she respect, love, like, and admire who you are as a person and what you can bring to the relationship? Does his/her behavior confirm this? Do you feel the same about him/her and does your behavior towards him/her confirm this?

Concerning my relationship with John, my criteria was simple. After five years of earnestly seeking the Lord after my divorce, I thought I might like to go out or perhaps have a meaningful relationship with someone. So, in prayer I sought the Lord and asked for a man who was a man after God’s own heart. My logic was that if this man loved God most, he would certainly know how to love me. God heard and answered my prayer by bringing John and I together. Although our backgrounds were very different, our values and beliefs were the same.

I learned quite a bit about relationship in preparation for and in being married to John. I guess that most importantly, we needed to keep God first in our marriage and develop our relationship God’s way. Next week I will speak more about God’s ideas about marriage.

Resist with Full Armor?

People often say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”. When I was going through a difficult time in my life, I would almost brag about that quote. I would say, “Boy, God must think I am really strong, because He keeps dumping more and more on me!” I did that for a few years.

Then, one weekend, I attended a Christian conference. The speaker explained that in her research, when Scripture says that God resists the proud, it means He resists as with full armor. He gives grace to the humble hearted. I thought to myself, I want to draw closer to God, I certainly don’t want Him to resist me with full armor! I want to be humble hearted, not proud.

Soon after the conference, I realized that it wasn’t that God thought I was so strong, it was that He knew I was too proud. Scriptures describe God's attitude toward the proud. James 4:6, "But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says, "God opposes the proud and but shows favor to the humble." (NIV) And 1 Peter 5:6 "Humble yourselves therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." (NIV)

I love the way God plants the seeds (like me going to the conference and hearing about God resisting the proud) and then the Holy Spirit makes it real to you. What Jesus said is true. Paraphrased: I will go away and ask my Father to send the Holy Spirit to be with you, to lead you in all the truth, to be your counselor and your guide. Your comforter, your teacher. He will empower you to live the Christian life, a life of love. Follow Me.

Completer or Compete-or?

In relationship between husbands and wives, each one should be a completer, not compete-or.

In our marriage, John encouraged me to fulfill my potential in all areas of my life. He admired my strengths and always encouraged me. Through his example, I came to realize how beautiful a relationship can be when God is in the center of it, and when each person can admire the strengths of the other.

I so much appreciated John’s wisdom – it came from the Lord. I would often joke that I had all the credentials and John had all the wisdom. I appreciated his ability to love like God loves, his gentleness, his sense of humor, and his ability to speak with everyone he met in loving kindness.

When God put us together, we were both more mature and both had God at the center of our lives. Each of us had different strengths. Where John was strong, I was weak, where I was strong, John was weak, but together we were an unstoppable couple for God. With God’s help, we were completers and not competitors. Nothing better!

Food for thought: In your relationships do you look for, appreciate and encourage the strengths in others, even when, or especially when they are not your strengths? Are you open to allowing others to help you in your weak areas?