This is part 1 of a series about love, relationships and marriage.
This week I was going to talk about what God says about marriage, but as I thought about it, I realized that before I write about marriage, I need to make sure that we are all on the same page when we talk about love. Since we all come from different backgrounds and cultures, we all have different perceptions and beliefs about what love is, and what it looks like in action.
I once saw a cartoon which was entitled, “Convention for Functional Families” The drawing showed a big stadium with one person sitting in the stands waving a pennant. It was kind of funny at the time, but also very true. Most of us have experienced some kind of disfunction in our families. If we want to break that cycle, we must not repeat the patterns of love that do not line up with God’s definition.
Here’s an example of not understanding love from God’s perspective from my own life. When I was going through the divorce process, I was at a loss concerning who I would be now that I was no longer playing the role of wife. I was still a mom, but I wanted to figure out more about myself. I had an opportunity to attend a fitness weekend in a country atmosphere. I brought my pad of paper and my Bible.
One afternoon, I went off by myself to journal about who I was. As I sat there, I wrote down the one thing I knew about myself – I am a loving person. As I looked at that, I started thinking, “If I am so loving, why is my marriage falling apart?” Then I decided to look at my Bible to see what God had to say about love. As I started reading 1 Corinthians 13, I was amazed! Love is patient – no, not all the time; Love is kind – no, not always; Love does not envy – yes, I do sometimes; Love does not boast – whoops, that one hit home. If you asked me, I would tell you I was wonderful! I kept going down the list only to realize that I could not check off any of the attributes of love according to God’s definition. I looked back at my paper and crossed off the one thing I thought I knew about myself. Since God wrote the book on love, He must know more than I do about it, so I prayed and asked Him to help me to be better at expressing love His way.
So, what is His way? Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13 (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
That’s a pretty tall order, don’t you think? Here is more, from the notes on this chapter in the New American Standard: The Open Bible, 1979, notes on p. 1127.
"The fruit of the Spirit is love. Only as we live in love can we fulfill the will of God in our lives. The believer must become love-inspired, love-mastered, and love driven (2 Corinthians 5:14). Without the fruit of the Spirit (love), we are just a religious noise (1 Corinthians 13:1)
The fruit of the Spirit is love, and it is manifested in joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Joy is love's strength. Peace is love's security. Patience is love's endurance. Kindness is love's conduct. Goodness is love' character. Faithfulness is love's confidence. Gentleness is love's humility. Self-control is love's victory. Against such things there is no law.
A Spirit controlled man needs no law to cause him to live a righteous life. the secret of a Spirit-controlled life is found in dedication to God (Romans 5:5). Put your all on the altar, and the Holy Spirit will fill your heart with the love of God (Romans 5:5).
In conclusion, what's love got to do with it? Everything. If you are already loving like God loves, praise the Lord. Keep spreading that love around. If you feel as if there are some areas on which you need to work, don't worry about it. God will help you. You can count on it. He is just looking for a willing, teachable heart. I can speak from experience. I went from that blank piece of paper to a woman who could love enough to be able to be married to a most Godly man for 26 glorious years. I still have a ways to go, but God is helping me each step of the way through the leading of His Spirit. He will help you too. Just ask Him.
God bless.
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