My husband, John, thought that positive communication was of the utmost importance. He practiced it always and encouraged it in others. One time we were talking about people being emotionally hurt in relationships and concluded that oftentimes it is because of a lack of authentic, positive communication.
Each of us come to a relationship with different ideas, experiences and expectations. We are often hurt when those ideas and expectations don't match up to our anticipated outcomes. How does that happen?
John came up with a very simple, yet profound statement. "I am sorry that I didn't do, or act, or respond in the way that was expected, but no one gave me a script." When we anticipate certain reactions or actions, but do not share our expectations, it really is unrealistic for us to expect that our desires will be fulfilled. People are not mind readers. I know that I am not.
So if things don't work out the way I wanted them to, the first thing I have to do is check myself. Did I talk about my expectations with the people involved, or did I just assume things would be what I was picturing in my mind?
How about you? Can you think of times in your life when you were hurt or emotionally wounded because you had an entire scenario of how things would play out in a situation, only to find out that the reality didn't even come close to your assumption? Do you think things may have turned out differently if you had communicated better? Even if the situation did not manifest in the way you wanted, by communicating with others, at least you would have had a better understanding of what was to come.
By this time in my life, I know that things don't always turn out the way I would like them to and that I have no control over what others do or don't do. All I can do is to do my best to communicate positively, love others wherever they are at and be grateful for the friends and family that I have. I hope you can do the same.
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